That Fine Line...

Between parent and friend.

Playing in the snow with his mommy aka best friend!

This is my goal. To find the perfect mix of being my children's best friend and thier parent. I'm talking more when they are teenagers but I'm pretty sure you need to find that line while they are young. I remember my parents always telling me I could talk to them about anything. Sex, alcohol, drugs, just anything I had questions about, I could come to them. BUT I remember one time I went sledding with a couple boys down the street. I told my mom I was leaving my cell phone at home because I didn't want it getting ruined in the snow but she knew where I was at if she needed me. Well, while I was gone one of my friends text me saying "Hey what are you doing tonight?" her signature was "IWantYouInMyBed" she was making fun of a song but I guess my stepdad didn't know what a signature was so he thought the whole text was "Hey what are you doing tonight? I want you in my bed" YIKES! I'll be the first to admit that sounds very bad and it didn't help that she was in my phone as Milkshake, it was an inside joke, I was in her phone as BananaCakes. My stepdad thought Milkshake stood for something sexual.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. When I came home I could tell something was wrong. I went to my room to change out of my snow suit and immediately noticed my cellphone was missing off of my dresser. Honestly, I didn't think anything of it, I had nothing to hide.... or so I thought. When I went back to the living room my stepdad was as red as a Coke can. I could tell he was about to lose it, and he did. Accused me of having sex and wanted to know who this boy was, he was ready to kill "him". Instead of calmly asking me to explain it he just lost it, threw my phone against the wall, said I was grounded and never getting it back. My mom didn't say much because A- it did look very bad and B- my stepdad was the one paying for the phone. Instead of crying and begging to have my phone back I got so mad that I honestly didn't care about my phone, I knew I had done nothing wrong and I didn't understand why he went through my cell phone in the 1st place, he had no reason not to trust me. Anyway, my point is, I don't ever want to be THAT parent. If a situation like that ever arrises I want to remain calm and simply ask my child to explain the situation from their point of view and then go from there.
I'll just go ahead and tell you how that story ended. My stepdad, as much as I love him, ended up looking like the biggest dumbass ever. He gave me my phone back and apologized. After he lost his cool, and gave me a chance to speak I simply told him to call my friend and that SHE would explain the "IWantYouInMyBed" part. I also explained to him that Milkshake was just a nickname from an inside joke (that I can't even remember now). If I remember correctly I actually did end up getting to go stay the night at her house, either that night or the next.


My sweet baby girl. I'm going to be her best friend too.

So as I was saying I want to find that fine line between parent and friend because when I tell my kids that they can talk to me about anything I'm going to mean it and I want them to know I mean it. But how are they supposed to believe me if I ever make the mistake of losing my cool in a situation like my stepdad did. It was moments like that, that made me think "Oh my gosh! If he'll get so worked up over a text message before I ever got to explain myself, how am I ever supposed to talk to him about sex or anything else."
So it is my goal to never lose my cool in a situation like that, to be understanding, and to give my children a fair chance to explain the situation before I deem them as guilty. No matter what the situation may be, I am going to try to live by "innocent until proven guilty".
When my children do end up messing up I also want to try to remain calm and remember that I was a teenager once. I want them to know that they can call me at any time, day or night, no matter where they are at and know that their mom will be there for them.
For example: Say my child goes to a friends house and ends up drinking. I want to be their friend enough that they feel comfortable enough to call me to come pick them up instead of risk driving home drunk. If that ever happens I hope I am able to keep my cool and realize that they were at least smart enough and trusted me enough to call me. Because if they end up driving home drunk, you best believe my reaction will not be cool, calm, and collected. But I hope I am parent enough to them that they understant even though, they were smart enough to call me, that there is still going to be some form of punishment. Even if it is just working extra hard and doing extra chores to pay for my gas to go pick them up and then gas to take them back to thier car the next day.
I would love comments on this topic.
Thank you!

-Lights, Camera, KIDS!